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(this video is ALL the pics we ever took of our boy)

This is a VERY hard blog to write tonight, or early morning however you want to look at it. It's now after midnight.

This dog has been on my mind ALOT lately. I miss him more than anything in the world and wish he could still be with us but the saying is true, "the good die young".

I could write about a dozen pages on this dog but that would be way too long of a blog for anyone, yet I fear this blog is going to be mighty long anyway.

I wanted a dog and my hubby wanted a BIG dog. He was looking for like a mastiff type dog or rottie. Something BIG. I wanted to get a dog from the humane society because it's just the right thing to do. So off we went to Tri County Humane Society in St. Cloud, Mn. We looked thru all the cages and alot of the puppies were in quarantine due to a puppy flu that was going around.

We were one of those people who HAD to have a puppy.

Well we came across this cage with some puppies in them. On the form they said it was an unwanted litter(go figure). They said golden retriever/lab cross. Well I told my hubby he needed to pick this dog out because it was going to be HIS dog. He watched all of them lay there and sleep! We finally were able to get a few of the litter up and moving except for one pup who just wasn't going to move at all. Now these pups were not in quarantine they were in the wards where you can adopt. My hubby said he had to have the one who didn't move and get up because he wasn't going to be hyper and that's what he wanted.

So off to the counter we went to let the people know which puppy we wanted to take home! We got to the counter and they told us that the puppy we wanted didn't have a card and they would have to locate it. They said this puppy could actually be on hold. Our hearts just sank. NO, we wanted this puppy and we wanted him NOW!! After about a trillion minutes of waiting for them to locate his cage card they came back and said that this dog we had chosen was a female. Well, we didn't check, we didn't care. We wanted this dog! Luckily the pup was not on hold and we were able to take puppy home.

Puppy had the most beautiful brindle coat. Although most people saw nothing but black in this puppy as it got older. Puppy had to be in the right light to see the true brindle.

Brought puppy home and of course invited over the parents so they could see the new family member. My mother kept telling us that this puppy was definitely a little boy. The thing was, sorry about this but...his wee wee was VERY tiny and it was hard to find. So for the first couple of hours we actually thought we had a little girl! We were WRONG. The funny thing is that thru the rest of his life everyone who saw him would call him a girl. Poor dog.

We named him on the way home. We had named him KoKo. We didn't want to spell it the original cocoa so we came up with that spelling. It's a good thing KoKo is a unisex name. :)

We got him home and he was just that, a LAZY dog. The sad thing was that he did have the puppy flu but the humane society didn't know that. We had about a weeks worth of puppy flu. Everyone said after he got better we would see his true colors. Guess what? NEVER did. He remained a mellow little boy!

We watched him grow and grow. I can't remember what age he was but he was between 3-6mos and he started to limp. He never complained just limped. Took him in and had him x-rayed and it showed he had hip dysplasia in BOTH of his hips. Not only did he have that but he had the "growing pains" that certain breeds get. It's a LONG word and I can't remember what it is(I'm sure Lori will let me know) but the big breeds usually get it because their bones grow so fast. It really is painful but my little boy never complained.

So we have now gone thru the puppy flu(NOT parvo), growing pains, and a long long life of hip dysplasia. He wasn't ever bad enough to where we had to do hip replacements. We just had to watch his weight and he got fish oil every day.

He was neutered at 5mos of age even though EVERYONE who met him wanted a puppy from him. NOPE, no puppies for me!

I put him thru a basic obedience class at a community center and we passed with flying colors. His best was down/stay. He did that VERY well.

At 6mos of age he got his CGC(canine good citizen) award. He was a therapy dog in waiting. Yet they said he was too shy. Ha! What did they know?

My mom is a nurse and when she lived here in Mn. I would take KoKo to visit grandma at work. I could leave him behind the nursing station with someone he didn't even know and walk away and he would still be laying there when I got back! He LOVED it at the nursing homes, parades, football games, school functions, ANYWHERE there was someone willing to pet him.

Boy did he KNOW how to hug you too. Not that he ever put his paws around you or jump on you but he would LEAN on you, to where you almost got knocked down he would push into you so hard. Now THAT'S a hug!

I watched him grow and I just didn't think this dog was a golden/lab cross. He looked too much like a german shep. I wish now I would have taken a pic of him when I would stand his ears up. My vet argued and argued with me about him being part german shep. I also saw greyhound in him. His couch potato attitude and when he ran he was as fast as those greyhounds!

Well when he was 3 yrs old my boy developed panus(this has a really long name too but I will stick with the shorter version). It's an eye disorder that ONLY German Sheps get(or so my vet said). Right then I looked at him and said, "See, what did I tell you? Quit arguing about what my dog is! He just proved you wrong and his momma right!" The vet said he COULD lose his eyesight but he had never seen a dog live long enough to lose their eyesight from this. We just watched it every year to see if it progressed, it never did.

My boy ended up being, at his highest weight 90lbs! That's not so big to some people but for us he was a big dog. Just what my hubby ordered!

I remember doing anything to this dog and he wouldn't cry or whine or say anything. He would bark if someone came to the door and then it was just a few barks and then he would stop. I actually slammed his tail in the door one time and he just looked at me and was trying to get up. I realized what I had done and apologized up and down to him. From then on when I would tell him to go bye-bye he would jump in and tuck his tail so mom could never do that again.

He loved to be touched or brushed. Just to be near you. OOOOOHHHH, and the BEST foot messager anyone could ever ask for! I miss those foot messages!

In 2005 I got my little Sasha Marie(cavalier king charles) and her and KoKo were my everything. My whole world. In 2006 Sasha was going to be a year old and everyone was telling me that she should be a therapy(TDI) dog. I had went this route with KoKo and we failed and I didn't know if we could do it again. Yet I thought that I NEEDED to do this with her. So the day after her 1st birthday she was a certified TDI dog. KoKo and I were very proud of her! I then decided that I needed to try again with KoKo. Something told me that I needed to title this dog. I couldn't title him in obedience because he was a mix but I could definitely give him the title so many people thought he should have. I told him that I would title him before he died. Something just kept nagging me to do this. In 2006 KoKo got another CGC award and was also awarded the TDI title! Oh boy was this the coolest thing or what? I was able to make my promise to him!

In March-April of 2007 I had made some new friends and one of them happened to be a vet tech. At this time we had some parvo puppies in the rescue and her and I were taking care of some of them. Before this though I would pet KoKo under his chin(he loved that) and I noticed a lump. I really didn't think much about it. Then one of my other friends came over and when she was petting him she noticed it on him too. Then I worried. I had been watching it and it did seem to get a little bigger. I asked my new found friend about the lump and she said, "Oh T, how old is this dog? How long has he had this?" I decided I needed to take him to my favorite vet in the whole world but he had been let go from his clinic. I knew how to find him and I made a trip out to his house for him to look at KoKo. He loved KoKo but KoKo was always so scared of him. There was NO reason for it but KoKo just got small when Dr. I. came around. So we are at Dr. I's house and he looked at KoKo's mouth. I had to PRY KoKo's mouth open he had it closed so tight. Dr. I. pressed on the lump and it didn't move an inch. KoKo didn't cry, flinch, or whine. He took it all in stride. Then Dr. I. started talking. Didn't really tell me anything. I finally looked at him and told him to tell me if it was what I was thinking and he said, "Yep, yep, it is." Neither of us could say the "C" word. We knew what we were referring to. I said, "How long?" He said, "Six months to a year. This type takes 'em fast."

My KoKo, my precious little boy had bone cancer! It started in his jaw. I asked Dr. I. how I would know when it was time because I was NOT going to let this magnificent boy suffer. He said when he refused to eat is when I would know.

I went home and it took me a few days to tell my family that our precious little boy only had 6mos to a year to live. Why? Why? Why?

The first thing we started to notice was that his face was drooping. His muscles were wasting away in his head and face. Then the tumor broke thru under his tongue and he developed a "sore" and it started to make him smell. It was rotting flesh. Dr. I. put him on some med to help with the smell and to try to keep the rotting at a minimal. Then we noticed him losing weight. His back end was getting weaker too.

We did try some healing touch with him but I felt that I could do the same thing with him in my house so he had ALOT of messages and healing touch in his last weeks.

One day I had let him out and went to let him back in and he was on the deck spinning in circles. pooping on himself. I FREAKED OUT! My KoKo NEVER did this. I thought he was having a seizure but it wasn't like a seizure because he was so totally aware of me. I called my best friend and told her that I NEEDED HER NOW! She flew to my house. While waiting for her I called Dr. I. and spoke to him on the phone personally(which NEVER happens when he is at the clinic) and he told me to bring him in. He looked at KoKo and told me that he had had a mini stroke. He said he would recover pretty quickly. He did. Yet he became weaker than he already was. I was crying so hard and was so distraught. Dr. I., I think, knew it was getting closer to the end and he gave me a hug and I never saw that bill. I will NEVER EVER be able to thank him enough for that. He told me that he couldn't tell me if it was the cancer that had traveled to his brain that caused it. He said one would never know.

I KNEW KoKo had another mini stroke sometime after that but I couldn't tell you when that was now. It was only a few weeks and my KoKo stopped eating. I tried people food, I tried canned food, I tried ice cream. ANYTHING. He would sniff and turn his head away. He tried but his body didn't want it. I knew the decision had to be made. I didn't want to make that decision. I usually am the one who makes the decision and I wasn't going to be the sole decision maker on this one. I called my mother who called KoKo, "The old man". He was an old soul that's why she called him that. He was her favorite dog! She even has a dog named KoCo now! Anyway, I called her and told her what KoKo was doing and that I had a dilemma on my hands. KoKo's birthday was less than a week away and mine was one day after his and could I make a decision like this at this time. She simply said, "It would be the best birthday gift anyone could ever give him." So, I talked with the family and we decided that he would cross the rainbow bridge the day before his birthday. I called Dr. I. and asked him if he would help KoKo cross over at home and he said he would.

The day came and my best friends came to say goodbye. The whole family was there. KoKo never said a word. He was SO weak that I don't think he could. Dr. I. let everyone say their goodbyes and then he helped this magnificent dog cross over. I cried like I have never cried before and I went to pick him up to help him to the truck and I just lost it. I couldn't. Dr. I. tried to give me a hug and I was so blinded by the tears that I didn't even realize what he was doing and blew him off. I feel AWFUL but I didn't mean to it was just that I couldn't see and I couldn't believe we had to say goodbye! Luckily my friends were there to help carry KoKo out to the truck.

One of my dear friends works at the vet clinic Dr. I. works at and she said Dr. I. came back from my house and brought KoKo into the clinic and she said you could tell he was shook up. He didn't even speak. That means alot to me. More than anyone knows. It shows he really does love his patients!

KoKo survived 7mos with that bone cancer. One day just shy of his 8th birthday!

So why did I write this LONG blog? Sorry but KoKo's story is NOT a short one. I wrote this blog because KoKo came to me the other night. His back end was wobbly but he stood on all fours and reached out with his left paw and grabbed my shoulder and pulled me into him and gave me the biggest hug and said, "It's ok. It's time, and I'm ready." I woke up crying and haven't been able to stop thinking about him since. I do believe this magnificent boy came to me in that dream to tell me that he is ok with the family's decision. It's OK. He came to my hubby four times in the first 2wks of his death. He only came to me 2x and it was briefly. I felt that he was mad at me and therefore didn't want to come and talk with me. This dream that I had last week was finally the closure I needed from him. He is such a magnificent boy that he knew his momma needed this and finally was able to give me that even in death.

My friend Lori told me that if you didn't know KoKo you would never know that he was sick just to look at him. She said that he looked good when she saw him and that was towards the end. That made me feel good too. She also tells me that I have a way to commuicate with the animals and KoKo has shown me that in this dream.

Again, sorry this story was so long but it had to be told. KoKo can NEVER be forgotten and never will be.

RIP my HERO!